Leaning In

For the first time in my life I’ve joined a proper book club. We meet once a month, and actually spend quite a while talking about the chosen book, as well as drinking a fair amount of wine.

This month’s book was Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg which has been a best seller pretty much since it was published last year. There are a dozen of us in our group; mid thirties female professionals, mostly Irish doctors, some with kids, some partnered and some single.

For this month’s meeting we went away to Cape Cod, the summer holiday playground of the Kennedys. In the winter it is lovely and quiet, we didn’t see any neighbours and had a bracing walk on the beach. With over 60 emails in the week before planning catering, car pools and leaving time, we arrived on Friday night looking forward to a break from real life and a chance to chill out and recharge the batteries.

It was a really fluid weekend, chatting to whoever was sitting at the table or on the sofa. Everyone chipped in, a couple of us took a meal, we had professional looking cupcakes and others bought wine. So relaxing. ImageImage

Once we got talking about the book it got quite heated, well from me at least. The Irish medical system seems to be quite inflexible for families with two doctors, the hours are long and career prospects are curtailed for men who may want to take some time off to raise their children. Either I’m quite deluded (which is very possible) or the Australian system is slightly better. Not being a doctor myself may make things a little easier but I’m hoping when we go home that Hutch will be able to have a varied working week that will allow for him to be primary carer at least a couple of days a week. Some of the book club members are already Attendings here in Boston (Consultants for those in Aus) and their challenge is to support flexibility as much as they can. Some are seeking out mentees to help develop and the best outcome we’ve had already is that after reading the first few chapters, one member sent an email out looking for a Fellowship for the coming year and got one! Once Hutch has finished his Masters I’m going to get him to read the book. I think we need to get more men supporting women and their careers and as our generation become the Consultants it is their responsiblity to make it easier for the next generation, not harder.

The decisions we make as mothers seem to cause a lot of guilt, whether it’s because we need to work, or if we’ve chosen to stay home and wonder if that’s the most satisfying decision for us personally. Interestingly our parents all did different things, some of the mums were at home, some of the dads were teachers so were home more and some families had both parents working. Exactly as it is today. I think so long as the kids are fed, clothed and loved they will turn out ok and we should be able to prioritise what makes us fulfilled as adults too. Saying all that though, I do realise that fitting that in with a husband’s inflexible career can be difficult.

As the token Aussie I was very remiss in introducing any cultural aspects to the weekend, but our American representative showed us how to make s’mores, the all American campfire dessert. Image

Some very late nights, with lots of dancing, laughs, bad selfies and wine, (did I mention the wine?) meant we left on Sunday afternoon recharged but happily tired.

I got home to a daughter who’d vomited half an hour before I walked in the door, how’s that for a crash back into reality?

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